Being Loved - "Things Someone Who Loved You Should Have Told You"

Things Someone Who Loved You Should Have Told You

http://johnpavlovitz.com/2016/02/01/things-someone-who-loved-you-should-have-told-you/

by John Pavlovitz

February 1, 2016

Words can do incredible damage, but they can’t hold a candle to silence.

Often it is those words that have been withheld which leave the greatest scars upon us. It is in that terrible absence that we are dealt the harshest blow by those who claim to love us.

Somewhere along the line you were denied something you needed to live; something destination-altering and hope-giving that you deserved.

At some point on your path, someone should have encouraged you, but refrained.

• They should have defended you, but did not.
• They should have released you, but chose not to.
• They should have said something—instead of nothing.

Someone should have told you that you were beautiful far beneath the surface, so that you didn’t grow up believing that you were defined by your waistline or by the scale or by the affection of someone else who may have cared far too little for you.

Someone should have told you that you were more than your worst mistake, so that you weren’t still imprisoned there in the spot of that momentary failure so long after it; still stuck trying to undo something that could never be undone and believing it made you less than.

Someone should have told you that God was not angry with you, so that your faith was allowed safe passage to grow and fearlessly move toward the One who made you and adores you without caveat or condition; the One who delights in you as you are.

Someone should have told you that it wasn’t your fault, so that you were relieved of the wasteful, crushing burden of what you were never meant to carry or deserve to still be saddled with; all the guilt and regret that unfairly declare you culpable.

Someone should have told you that you were a bona-fide, freakin’ miracle; a once in history collection of atoms and color and sound, so that you never doubted for a second your inherent worth, and the beautiful mark you’ve made in the places where your feet have landed.

Someone should have told you that you were forgiven, so that you didn’t cling to a vicious grudge against yourself which pronounced you dirty; so you were not tried for the same crime again and again in the court of your own head.

Someone should have told you that your sadness wasn’t a sickness, so you could have allowed yourself to grieve fully; to feel and speak the depth and breadth of your pain, instead of daily burying it beneath a brittle facade of okayness and pretending you weren’t devastated.

Someone should have told you that your best was good enough; that the honest desires of your heart and the diligent work of your hands regardless of the results, made your efforts successful. If they had, you may not have felt failure in anything less than perfection.

Someone should have told you that you were not what people said you were. That might have emancipated you from the expectations of a million voices judging you from a distance, which you believed as gospel. You might have found your identity independent of the shouts from the crowd or the cutting words of the critics.

Someone should have told you that you were loved as you were; not because of anything you did or won or achieved or made, but simply because you were lovable. It may have saved you from so restlessly striving to earn what you already deserved.

I can’t undo the brutal omissions you endured in the past, or the time you’ve squandered or the peace you’ve surrendered as a result.

I can only give you these words now, as a firm and steady spot to plant your foot and pivot as you begin again down another road, one with far fewer demons hiding in the shadows to ambush you.

So stop to listen to the whisper in your ear, that breaks the long and heavy silence and says that you are free. Feel the lightness that only love brings.

Somewhere along the road someone close to you should have told you all this, but they didn’t.

So I am telling you.

Be encouraged.

- JP

http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/keywords/loved_2.html

10 Signs Your'e an Outgoing Introvert (Ambivert)

10 SIGNS YOU’RE AN OUTGOING INTROVERT

http://introvertdear.com/2015/10/28/signs-youre-an-outgoing-introvert/

by Jenn Granneman

October 28, 2015

So you just found out you’re an introvert. Now you have a new way of understanding yourself and how you relate to the world. You can’t get enough of your new identity, so you’re reading every listicle and blog post about introverts that graces your Facebook news feed. Some articles describe you with frightening accuracy: you like spending time alone, you prefer calm environments, you often think deeply and reflect, and you’d rather text than call.

Yet other articles don’t resonate with you at all: you don’t sit home alone every weekend watching Netflix in your pajamas and you actually enjoy the occasional party. You start to wonder, am I really an introvert?

Bottom line: if you need downtime after socializing, you probably are an introvert. What you actually are is an outgoing introvert.

Introversion and extroversion are not black and white. Think of a continuum with introversion on one end and extroversion on the other. Some people fall closer to the introverted end, while others are near the middle. There’s actually a word for these middle-of-the-road people: ambiverts. An ambivert is someone who displays characteristics of both introversion and extroversion.

Are you an outgoing introvert (or an ambivert)?

Here are 10 signs that you might be:

1. Your energy level is closely tied to your environment. You’re sensitive to how your surroundings look, what kind of music is being played, how many people are present and the volume level of the room. The ambiance of a bar or restaurant can either energize or drain you, depending on if the place fits your preferences. Likewise, a loud rock concert in a crowded stadium might be overwhelming but an up-close-and-personal acoustic set at your favorite local music club relaxes you.

2. You find people to be both intriguing and exhausting. People watching? Yes. Meeting new people and hearing their life stories? Fascinating. Spending every weeknight hanging out with a different group of friends? Not a chance—as much as you enjoy people, you can only endure so much socializing before you need downtime. After a busy weekend or a long day at work, you feel the need to disappear and recharge by being alone or with just one other person (a best friend, a trusted roommate or your significant other).

3. Certain people and interactions drain you while others actually recharge you. You have a few friends who you could hang out with for practically forever. It seems like you never run out of things to talk about and being with them is just easy. You actually feel better after spending time with them, not drained. Other people eventually tire or bore you and you need to get away. Being alone is better than settling for second-rate company.

4. You can be charming but also deeply introspective and reflective. You make small talk when it’s expected of you because you know it can lead to deeper, more authentic conversation. People feel comfortable around you, and you easily get others talking and opening up about themselves. When you’re out on a Saturday night, you make sure your friends have a good time. However, most people don’t realize how “in your head” you really are. Although you appear easy-going and chatty, inside, your mind is always going.

5. When you feel rested and recharged, you reach out to others. Often you’re the one who gets all your friends together on the weekend. Or maybe you organize the weekly after-work happy hour or throw parties at your house. Playing the host allows you to socialize on your own terms. You get to set the parameters, like what time the event starts, where it will happen and who is invited. But when you’re feeling drained, like a true introvert, you go silent and hibernate at home. This is when the Netflix + pajamas thing makes sense.

6. You need time to warm up in social situations. But once you feel comfortable with someone, you have no trouble chatting. Likewise, you won’t spill your entire life story to someone within the first half hour of meeting them, but you will reveal personal details when trust is built up. The more someone gets to know you, the more your quirky personality (and your cherished inner world—the part of you that feels most authentic) comes out.

7. It actually takes less energy to say what’s on your mind than to make small talk. Introverts like talking about ideas or connecting authentically. Fake small talk bores you and drains your life force.

8. You’re selectively social. It’s hard to find people you click with, so you only have a few close friends. But you’re okay with that. You’d rather make your limited “people” energy count by investing it into relationships that are truly fulfilling.

9. You have no interest in trying to prove yourself in a crowd of strangers.“Working the room” isn’t your thing. Nor do you feel the need to draw a lot of attention to yourself. You’re content hanging out at the edges of the party, talking to just one or two people.

10. You’re often confused for an extrovert. Your friends and family don’t buy that you’re an introvert because you’re just so social. In fact, it may have taken a while for you to realize you’re an introvert because you play the extrovert so well. Now you find yourself constantly having to explain your introversion and how you get your energy, but people still don’t get it.

Keep in mind there’s no wrong way to do introversion. It’s all about understanding your needs and honoring your own style—even if that means being the life of the party one night then binge watching Netflix alone the next night.

Are you an introvert? What’s your personality type? We recommend this free, quick test from our partner Personality Hacker.

Maya Angelou - Portrait of a Legendary Poet, Writer, Playwright, Performer, Civil Rights Activist

Maya Angelou: she refused to be cowed by past mistakes or indiscretions | Photograph: Wayne Miller/Supplied

Maya Angelou and Still I Rise review -
perceptive portrait of legendary writer
http://www.theguardian.com/film/2016/jan/27/maya-angelou-and-still-i-rise-review-iconic-writer?CMP=share_btn_fb

by Lanre Bakare

January 27, 2016

In the opening moments of Maya Angelou and Still I Rise, Hillary Clinton says it would be sad if the poet, thinker, and performer were only to be remembered for one thing, alluding to her classic work I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings. But this documentary – put together by Bob Hercules and first-time film-maker Rita Coburn Whack, shows the varied, creative and often brutal back story that created one of America’s finest writers.

Starting with her upbringing in Stamps, Arkansas, the directors use Angelou’s unmistakably raspy narration to weave a story of abuse and neglect. Her mother leaves home, and a seven-year-old Angelou is raped by her mother’s new boyfriend when they are reunited in St Louis. After she tells people about the rape, her attacker is arrested and released before his corpse is found: seemingly, he has been beaten to death. It’s a moment that profoundly affects Angelou, who not only has to recover from the assault but also the fact that she now believes her words were responsible for his death. She decides not to speak for five years. The thought of Angelou being mute is shocking, not least because the film is so much better thanks to her voice. She could read a shopping list and make it thrilling.

Angelou finds her voice again when learning poetry – she reads every book in the black library. It’s from here we learn about her developing into a performer. She moves to San Francisco and begins a career onstage; she also gives birth to her son Guy Johnson (there’s an amazing moment when she describes losing her virginity and how underwhelming she found the whole process). Johnson steals the show. His accounts of their life together (and apart) are heartbreaking and tinged with anger. He talks about the time American entertainer Pearl Bailey stopped his mother from being her understudy because she considered her too ugly. It was a decision that meant they’d be separated again because Angelou would have to go back on the road in a touring company. There’s a mix of fury and pride as he tells the story of Bailey getting a lifetime achievement award and choosing Angelou as the person who should give it to her. His mother did it happily, without mentioning the pain she had caused.

I was an overnight guest of Maya Angelou

 

Read more

It’s their relationship that drives the action again as Angelou becomes involved in the civil rights movement, spending time with James Baldwin, Martin Luther King Jr and Malcolm X, as well as operating on the front lines of protest despite the dangers. Throughout everything she is outspoken and defiant, refusing to be cowed by past mistakes or indiscretions. The only times she is withdrawn is when discussing her son’s accident in Ghana, during which he broke his neck and almost died.

What Coburn Whack and Hercules do so well is capture Angelou’s power and elegance, which seems to have increased as she got older. An important figure throughout the 60s, in the 70s and 80s she developed into a maternal figure for black America, ushering in the period of Oprah and black female empowerment. It’s that longevity and creative drive that the film celebrates. No hagiography, it paints a portrait of a life lived to the full and dedicated to being true to oneself.

Still I Rise

Maya Angelou, 1928 - 2014

You may write me down in history

With your bitter, twisted lies,

You may trod me in the very dirt

But still, like dust, I’ll rise.

Does my sassiness upset you?

Why are you beset with gloom?

‘Cause I walk like I’ve got oil wells

Pumping in my living room.

Just like moons and like suns,

With the certainty of tides,

Just like hopes springing high,

Still I’ll rise.

Did you want to see me broken?

Bowed head and lowered eyes?

Shoulders falling down like teardrops,

Weakened by my soulful cries?

Does my haughtiness offend you?

Don’t you take it awful hard

‘Cause I laugh like I’ve got gold mines

Diggin’ in my own backyard.

You may shoot me with your words,

You may cut me with your eyes,

You may kill me with your hatefulness,

But still, like air, I’ll rise.

Does my sexiness upset you?

Does it come as a surprise

That I dance like I’ve got diamonds

At the meeting of my thighs?

Out of the huts of history’s shame

I rise

Up from a past that’s rooted in pain

I rise

I’m a black ocean, leaping and wide,

Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.

Leaving behind nights of terror and fear

I rise

Into a daybreak that’s wondrously clear

I rise

Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,

I am the dream and the hope of the slave.

I rise

I rise

I rise.

* * * * * * * * * * *

Poet Maya Angelou

poet

Maya Angelou

1928-2014 , St. Louis , MO

poets.org - Mahttps://www.poets.org/poetsorg/poet/maya-angelou

Maya Angelou was an author, poet, historian, songwriter, playwright, dancer,

stage and screen producer, director, performer, singer, and civil rights activist.

Maya Angelou was born Marguerite Johnson in St. Louis, Missouri, on April 4, 1928. She grew up in St. Louis and Stamps, Arkansas. She was an author, poet, historian, songwriter, playwright, dancer, stage and screen producer, director, performer, singer, and civil rights activist. She was best known for her autobiographical books: Mom & Me & Mom (Random House, 2013); Letter to My Daughter (2008); All God’s Children Need Traveling Shoes (1986);The Heart of a Woman (1981); Singin’ and Swingin’ and Gettin’ Merry Like Christmas (1976); Gather Together in My Name (1974); and I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings (1969), which was nominated for the National Book Award.

Among her volumes of poetry are A Brave and Startling Truth (Random House, 1995); The Complete Collected Poems of Maya Angelou (1994); Wouldn’t Take Nothing for My Journey Now (1993); Now Sheba Sings the Song (1987); I Shall Not Be Moved (1990); Shaker, Why Don’t You Sing? (1983); Oh Pray My Wings Are Gonna Fit Me Well (1975); and Just Give Me a Cool Drink of Water ‘fore I Diiie (1971), which was nominated for the Pulitzer Prize.

In 1959, at the request of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., Angelou became the northern coordinator for the Southern Christian Leadership Conference. From 1961 to 1962 she was associate editor of The Arab Observer in Cairo, Egypt, the only English-language news weekly in the Middle East, and from 1964 to 1966 she was feature editor of the African Review in Accra, Ghana. She returned to the United States in 1974 and was appointed by Gerald Ford to the Bicentennial Commission and later by Jimmy Carter to the Commission for International Woman of the Year. She accepted a lifetime appointment in 1982 as Reynolds Professor of American Studies at Wake Forest University in Winston-Salem, North Carolina. In 1993, Angelou wrote and delivered a poem, “On The Pulse of the Morning," at the inauguration for President Bill Clinton at his request. In 2000, she received the National Medal of Arts, and in 2010 she was awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom by President Barack Obama.

The first black woman director in Hollywood, Angelou wrote, produced, directed, and starred in productions for stage, film, and television. In 1971, she wrote the original screenplay and musical score for the film Georgia, Georgia, and was both author and executive producer of a five-part television miniseries “Three Way Choice.” She also wrote and produced several prize-winning documentaries, including “Afro-Americans in the Arts,” a PBS special for which she received the Golden Eagle Award. Angelou was twice nominated for a Tony award for acting: once for her Broadway debut in Look Away (1973), and again for her performance in Roots (1977).

Angelou died on May 28, 2014, in Winston-Salem, North Carolina, where she had served as Reynolds Professor of American Studies at Wake Forest University since 1982. She was eighty-six.

Alone

Maya Angelou, 1928 - 2014

Lying, thinking

Last night

How to find my soul a home

Where water is not thirsty

And bread loaf is not stone

I came up with one thing

And I don’t believe I’m wrong

That nobody,

But nobody

Can make it out here alone.

Alone, all alone

Nobody, but nobody

Can make it out here alone.

There are some millionaires

With money they can’t use

Their wives run round like banshees

Their children sing the blues

They’ve got expensive doctors

To cure their hearts of stone.

But nobody

No, nobody

Can make it out here alone.

Alone, all alone

Nobody, but nobody

Can make it out here alone.

Now if you listen closely

I’ll tell you what I know

Storm clouds are gathering

The wind is gonna blow

The race of man is suffering

And I can hear the moan,

‘Cause nobody,

But nobody

Can make it out here alone.

Alone, all alone

Nobody, but nobody

Can make it out here alone.

*From Oh Pray My Wings Are Gonna Fit Me Well by Maya Angelou. Copyright © 1975 by Maya Angelou. Reprinted with permission of Random House, Inc. For online information about other Random House, Inc. books and authors, visit the website at www.randomhouse.com.

Odyssey - An Online Writer's Mecca of Classes, Course Work, and Webinars

Here is a great online help for any writer wishing to develop their craft and/or profession. The Main Home Page link will explain who and what the organization is and the Online Courses Link will direct you to the most current classes which are meeting. Enjoy! ~ R.E. Slater

Main Home Page - http://www.sff.net/odyssey/index.htp

Odyssey Online Writing Classes

Online Courses - http://www.sff.net/odyssey/online.html

The World of Introverts

Introverts and Friends

http://hellopoetry.com/poem/1047696/the-introverts-curse/

Nature,

silence,

peace..

Music,

lyrics,

melodies..

Poems,

stor­ies..

Introvert's friends.

- Zein Khalil

Jan 19, 2015

Quotes about Introverts (insightful) - http://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/introverts

Poems by Introverts - http://hellopoetry.com/words/40424/introvert/poems/

More Poems by Introverts - http://allpoetry.com/poems/about/Introvert

Famous Introverted People: Emily Dickenson - http://lonerwolf.com/emily-dickinson-introvert/

10 Really Great Things About Being An Introvert - http://www.dummies.com/how-to/content/10-great-things-about-being-an-introvert.html

* * * * * * * * * * *

Introverts Need People Too

http://ssmommy.com/introverts-need-people-too/

POSTED BY ROSE 

· SEPTEMBER 20, 2015 

· COMMENTS

Because I’ve moved so much and because I am an introvert I don’t have many friends. I mean the kind of person who’ll come to my house or ask me to theirs just to spend time together. As for the people I “know” right now, if they did ask me to hang out, I’d have no clue what to do or how to act.

Over the past month I’ve had the opportunity to hang out and spend time with a few people who’ve actually made me feel comfortable around them. I have to admit though, that when I was camping there was one person who commented to me that he wasn’t sure if I was having fun because I didn’t show it. Well, I didn’t drink because it was a new group of people and I need to feel comfortable around them first. Also I don’t get loud and boisterous when I’m having fun but I smile and laugh and try to be active with what everyone else is doing. If I wasn’t enjoying myself I would’ve made up some excuse to go home. Not being overly demonstrative is one of the downfalls of being an introvert.

The problem I have with hanging out with people for an extended amount of time is that I become comfortable with them and coming home can be a big adjustment. Sure I enjoy my alone time just as much as any other introvert but coming home means that I won’t interact with any other adults for a couple of weeks. I go days upon days without ever talking to another adult because I work from home and raise my children. The only adults I talk to are clients and that’s business not quality time.

The other problem I have after hanging out with people is figuring out whether or not to communicate with them afterwards. I question everything I do:

• should I text them? maybe they’re busy?
• do they want to text me?
• did I hang out for too long?
• are they glad I’m gone?
• do they want to talk to me?
• will they answer me?
• what do I do if they don’t answer me?
• what should I do if I’m the only one texting or messaging them and they don’t initiate conversation?
• do they still like me?
• do they dislike me now that we’ve spent time together?
• the questions are endless!

Introverts need people too – even one person we feel comfortable with who we can actually be ourselves around. People who are okay with an introverts personality.

So what are some of the things that introverts do? Here’s a few that I’ve put together:

1. small talk is torture
2. crowds are stressful
3. we have a small group of close friends (if we have any that is)
4. feeling alone in a crowd is quite the norm
5. we hear the same questions repeatedly – what are you thinking? are you okay? are you having fun?
6. we wait to text back – and re-think every word we say
7. taking walks is our favorite exercise
8. networking makes us feel like a fake
9. puzzles are intriguing – especially people who are puzzling
10. people think we’re too intense
11. books and movies are the best way to chill out
12. we enjoy talking to people about subjects we’re passionate about
13. we’re very picky about stuff – music, food, movies, friends
14. we don’t trust easily – but sometimes we make bad judgement when we’re too isolated
15. we’re easily distracted …hey look there’s a squirrel!
16. we’re really a great listener
17. people often interrupt us because we listen so well and they forget we sometimes have something to say
18. we plan ahead …alot
19. if we like something we absolutly love it …or we absolutely hate it – there doesn’t seem to be an in-between
20. giving a talk to 500 people is easy – mingling and making small talk afterwards is hard
21. too much activity causes a shutdown – pj’s and warm drinks are necessary
22. observation is an activity we enjoy
23. once we find a friend we tend to open up like a book – sometimes this makes us feel vulnerable if the person isn’t a true friend
24. we know what we like and aren’t worried about missing out on new things
25. extroverts are the best relationship partners
26. we screen all our calls – even from friends
27. we take it very personall when someone we thougt we were close to starts to ignore us
28. getting lost in our thoughts happens alot even when other people are talking to us

* * * * * * * * * * *

BATTLE CRY OF THE INTROVERT

https://menoword.wordpress.com/2013/05/12/battle-cry-of-the-introvert/

by menoword

May 12, 2013

I don’t write as much poetry as I used to…probably because I am no longer as depressed as I used to be. A few years ago, I suffered some really bad spells and it seemed that the only way I could work my way out of them was to write how I felt…because sometimes I was literally incapable of speech.

In recent days however, my muse seems to have resigned from the poetry inspiration department and moved to short story writing…my muse is obviously unable to multi-task. Anyway, whenever I do write poetry, it is no longer the deep heart wrenching expression of loss and brokenness and greyness that I used to write…my poems are more..well…they’re just odd…I don’t mind though, I like discovering how my mind works.

So anyhow, this is a poem I wrote about being an introvert… I think that it puzzles many of my friends and acquaintances that I can completely disconnect from the world around me and retreat to the relative safety of my room and the world in my laptop… my family just accepts that I’m cuckoo and gets on with it but anyway… here’s the poem.

BATTLE CRY OF THE INTROVERT

I am not an extrovert; I am a socially proficient introvert

I interact not because I like to, but because I can

I have learned the art of conversation

Of meaningless sentences strung together to make a pleasant sounding thread

Just like white noise

I am not an extrovert; nothing wears me out more than people

With their pettiness and their drama and their lies

I have learned to listen but not absorb

To understand without accepting

To be present but not involved

I am not an extrovert; crowds bore me, people tire me

I do not wish to know who did what to whom on what day with which witnesses

I promise you, I do not care

Life is complicated enough without needing to puzzle out the details

Of everyone else’s drama.

I am an introvert; and that is why,

No matter how sweetly I smile,

Or how deeply I seem to listen,

Nothing pleases me more than curling up in my bed

With my books and my thoughts for company

I am an introvert; and so,

Despite how well I put words together

I would much rather write, or tweet

And free myself to expression,

Without the burden of interaction

I am an introvert; the chronicler of your stories

Watching from the side-lines, I’d rather not go on the stage

I’ll watch and talk and listen

And then eagerly rush home, to recount all I have seen and heard

To my patiently waiting computer

I apologize if I seem rude, or unconcerned or distant

It’s just that life is so much sweeter

Standing where I am

I love you very much, I promise I do

I am your friend, I promise I am

But allow me to be one, from way over here

Where I can love you, without having to talk to you

Thank you

- menoword

* * * * * * * * * * *

WORLD INTROVERT DAY

WHO THEY ARE AND WHO THEY ARE NOT
HTTP://INTROVERTDEAR.COM/2015/01/01/INTROVERTS-WORLD-INTROVERT-DAY/

By Jenn Granneman
January 1, 2015

Introverts have received a lot of attention lately, yet misconceptions about introversion still exist. Who are introverts, really? And perhaps more importantly, who are they not?

1. Introverts make up 30-50 percent of the population.

   That means up to half of the world is introverted.

2. Introverts loathe small talk, but they enjoy meaningful conversation.

   “Introverts crave meaning, so party chitchat feels like sandpaper to our psyche,” writes author Diane Cameron.

3. When in relationships, introverts want to keep up with their partner’s inner life, not just day-to-day events.

   
   “When an introvert cares about someone, she also wants contact, not so much to keep up with the events of the other person’s life, but to keep up with what’s inside: the evolution of ideas, values, thoughts, and feelings,” writes Laurie Helgoe in her book Introvert Power: Why Your Inner Life is Your Hidden Strength.

4. Introverts become distracted and overwhelmed in highly stimulating environments.

   Introverts are known for their extraordinary ability to focus intensely for long periods of time in quiet, minimally stimulating environments. Yet in highly stimulating environments, introverts tend to either zone out because there’s too much going on, or they become distracted. On the flip side, “extroverts are commonly found to be more easily bored than introverts on monotonous tasks, probably because they require and thrive on high levels of stimulation,” Clark University researchers wrote in a paper published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.

5. Despite preferring to work alone, introverts can still be good team players.

   “We just don’t need to be in the same room as the rest of the team at all times. We would much prefer to have part of the project carved out for us to squirrel away with it in our offices, consulting as necessary but working independently,” writes Sophia Dembling in The Introvert’s Way: Living a Quiet Life in a Noisy World.

6. Introverts often feel more lonely and bored in a crowd than when they are actually alone.

   “I am rarely bored alone; I am often bored in groups and crowds,” writes Helgoe.

7. Introverts often express themselves better in writing than in conversation.

   Writing allows introverts time to gather their thoughts and select just the right words.

8. Introverts are often called “old souls.”

   “Introverts tend to think hard and be analytical,” Dembling tells Huffington Post. “That can make them seem wise.”

9. Introverts notice details that others might miss.

   They often have a keen eye for detail. They might notice the subtle shift of a friend’s mood or the slight variations of color and texture in a piece of art.

10. Introverts often feel alienated.

    “In an extroverted society, we rarely see ourselves in the mirror. We get alienating feedback. Alienating feedback comes in the form of repeated encouragement to join or talk, puzzled expressions, well-intended concern, and sometimes, all-out pointing and laughing. Alienating feedback happens when we hear statements like, ‘What kind of loser would be home on a Saturday night?’ Alienating feedback happens where neighborhoods, schools, and offices provide no place to retreat. Alienating feedback happens when our quiet spaces and wilderness sanctuaries are seen as places to colonize,” writes Helgoe.

11. Introverts may end up in one-sided relationships.

    “Because introverts are typically good listeners and, at least, have the appearance of calmness, we are attractive to emotionally needy people. Introverts, gratified that other people are initiating with them, can easily get caught in these exhausting and unsatisfying relationships,” writes Adam McHugh in Introverts in the Church: Finding Our Place in an Extroverted Culture.

12. Introverts tend to internalize problems.

    
    “We place the source of problems within and blame ourselves. Though introverts may also externalize and see others as the problem, it’s more convenient to keep the problem ‘in house.’ Internalizers tend to be reliable and responsible, but we can also be very hard on ourselves,” writes Helgoe.

13. Introverts are not necessarily shy.

    According to Susan Cain, author of Quiet, shyness is the fear of negative judgment, while introversion is having a preference for minimally stimulating environments. You can be an introvert without being shy, like Bill Gates. There are even extroverts, like Barbara Streisand, who are shy.

14. Introverts aren’t anti-social.

    They alternate between periods of work and solitude, and periods of social activities. They may have strong social skills, be talkative, have deep relationships, and enjoy going out with friends. They simply need downtime after socializing to recharge.

15. Introverts aren’t just extroverts who need to come out of their shells.

    About introverts, Cain writes, “At school you might have been prodded to come ‘out of your shell’ — that noxious expression which fails to appreciate that some animals naturally carry shelter everywhere they go, and some humans are just the same.”

16. Introverts are not people who need to be “fixed.”

    Of course, we all have habits or behaviors we could improve, whether we’re an introvert or an extrovert. Yet introversion is not a flawed way of being or a “problem” that needs fixing. Helgoe writes, “Your nature is not the problem. The problem is that you have become alienated from your nature — from your power source.”