Monday, October 18, 2021

When I was sick and lay a-bed,
I had two pillows at my head,
And all my toys beside me lay
To keep me happy all the day.

And sometimes for an hour or so
I watched my leaden soldiers go,
With different uniforms and drills,
Among the bed-clothes, through the hills;

And sometimes sent my ships in fleets
All up and down among the sheets;
Or brought my trees and houses out,
And planted cities all about.

I was the giant great and still
That sits upon the pillow-hill,
And sees before him, dale and plain,
The pleasant land of counterpane.

- RLS

In winter I get up at night

And dress by yellow candle-light.

In summer, quite the other way,

I have to go to bed by day.

I have to go to bed and see

The birds still hopping on the tree,

Or hear the grown-up people's feet

Still going past me in the street.

And does it not seem hard to you,

When all the sky is clear and blue,

And I should like so much to play,

To have to go to bed by day?

- RLS

As from the house your mother sees
You playing round the garden trees,
So you may see, if you will look
Through the windows of this book,
Another child, far, far away,
And in another garden, play.
But do not think you can at all,
By knocking on the window, call
That child to hear you. He intent
Is all on his play-business bent.
He does not hear, he will not look,
Nor yet be lured out of this book.
For, long ago, the truth to say,
He has grown up and gone away,
And it is but a child of air
That lingers in the garden there.

- RLS

Quotes & Sayings by Robert Louis Steveson

Don't judge each day by the harvest you reap but by the seeds that you plant.

That man is a success who has lived well, laughed often and loved much.

There is a fellowship more quiet even than solitude, and which, rightly understood, is solitude made perfect.

An aim in life is the only fortune worth finding.

Life is not a matter of holding good cards, but of playing a poor hand well.

To travel hopefully is a better thing than to arrive.

A friend is a gift you give yourself.

The world is so full of a number of things, I'm sure we should all be as happy as kings.

The saints are the sinners who keep on trying.

Every one lives by selling something, whatever be his right to it.

* * * * * * * *

https://www.cnbc.com/2021/10/05/child-psychologist-explains-why-authoritative-parenting-is-the-best-style-for-raising-smart-confident-kids.html

A NOTE TO THE READER FROM A RELIGIOUS DAD WHO RAISED CHILDREN:

I would rather use the terms of an "educating, instructive, or guiding" parent rather than the word authoritative parent. The former words speak to caring, nurturing, helping, involvement, other-centeredness, sacrifice, giving, and so on. The latter term I feel is often confused with self-centeredness, control, and other poorer connotations, especially in religious circles.

Good parenting is just plain hard work even as teaching, pastoring, leading, or directing an organisation can be. Serving is nothing more than self-giving for the benefit of others. Its the coolest trait in humanity and often the most needed trait everywhere in healthy, others-centered societies. - re slater

RAISING SUCCESSFUL KIDS

Here’s what makes ‘authoritative parents’ different from the rest—and why psychologists say it’s the best parenting style

https://www.cnbc.com/2021/10/05/child-psychologist-explains-why-authoritative-parenting-is-the-best-style-for-raising-smart-confident-kids.html

Francyne Zeltser, Contributor - @DOCTORZELTSER

Published Tue, Oct 5 2021

We all want to raise intelligent, confident and successful kids. But where to begin? And what’s the best parenting style to go with?

Parenting styles fall under four main categories. It might be that you use one or more of these different styles at different times, depending on the situation and context.

Research tells us that authoritative parenting is ranked highly in a number of ways: Academic, social-emotional and behavioral. Similar to authoritarian parents, authoritative parents expect a lot from their children — but they expect even more from their own behavior.

What is authoritative parenting?

Authoritative parents are supportive and often in tune with their children’s needs. They guide their kids through open and honest discussions to teach values and reasoning.

Like authoritarian parents, they set limits and enforce standards. But unlike authoritarian parents, they’re much more nurturing.

Some common traits of authoritative parents:

Responsive to their child’s emotional needs, while having high standards

Communicate frequently and take into consideration their child’s thoughts, feelings and opinions

Allow natural consequences to occur, but use those opportunities to help their child reflect and learn

Foster independence and reasoning

Highly involved in their child’s progress and growth

Why experts agree authoritative parenting is the most effective style

Studies have found that authoritative parents are more likely to raise confident kids who achieve academic success, have better social skills and are more capable at problem-solving.

Instead of always coming to their kid’s rescue, which is more typical among permissive parents, authoritative parents allow their kids to make mistakes. This offers kids the opportunity to learn while also letting them know that their parents will be there to support them.

Authoritative parenting is especially helpful when dealing with conflict, because the way we learn to deal with conflict at a young age plays a big role in how we handle our losses or how resilient we are in our adult lives.

With permissive parents, solutions to conflicts are generally up to the child. The child “wins” and the parent “loses.” I’ve seen this approach lead to kids becoming more self-centered and less able to self-regulate.

Of course, there are times when a punishment, like taking a time out, is necessary. But the problem with constant punishment is that it doesn’t actually teach your kid anything helpful. In most cases, it teaches them that the person with the most power wins, fair or not.

Let’s say your 10-year-old son begs not to go to soccer practice: “I don’t want to because I don’t think I’m good at it.”

In response,

A permissive parent might say, “It’s up to you.”

A neglectful parent might say, “Whatever you want ... it’s your life.”

An authoritarian parent might say, “You have to. I don’t want to hear another word from you.”

An authoritative parent might say, “I understand that you don’t want to go. But sometimes, fighting the urge to avoid doing something hard is how you get better!”

While authoritative parents do set limits and expect their kids to behave responsibly, they don’t just demand blind obedience. They communicate and reason with the child, which can help inspire cooperation and teach kids the reason behind the rules.

Authoritative parenting doesn’t guarantee success

While experts give authoritative parenting the most praise, it’s important to note that using just one method does not always guarantee positive outcomes.

Parenting isn’t an exact science. In many ways, it’s more like an art. As a child psychologist and mother, my advice is to be loving and understanding — but to also create structure and boundaries.

Don’t simply focus on punishment. Be supportive and really listen to your child. Ask them questions and try to understand things from their point of view. Allow them into the decision-making process so that they can grow and learn things on their own.

There’s a difference between parenting styles and parenting practices. A parenting style is the emotional climate in which you raise your child, and a parenting practice is a specific action that parents employ in their parenting.

In short, behave as the good human you want them to be.

Francyne Zeltser is a child psychologist, adjunct professor and mother of two. She promotes a supportive, problem-solving approach where her patients learn adaptive strategies to manage challenges and work toward achieving both short-term and long-term goals. Her work has been featured in NYMetroParents.com and Parents.com.